Day 13…. Lucky or Not??

Posted by Tess Egerton in Tess' Blog, The Not-So-Secret Diary of A Yo-Yo Dieter      No comments

Nov
25

Well another week of  fasting, not feasting has passed and I have arrived on day 13 and it’s a Friday too… unlucky  for some! Pity I’ve chosen it as my new weigh-in day… ( I decided Saturdays are SO much fun, it seemed almost sacrilege to blight them with the presence of a mocking digital scales).

After another 7 days of careful food monitoring this week, I’ve been frequently reminding myself that this  had ‘better be worth it!’. As the weather has begun to turn colder and the lack of substantial fuel started to chill my bones a little, the concept of why a lot of thin people are often poker-faced suddenly dawned on me…. they’re cold, tired and hungry!! Who WOULDN”T be  miserable?! Energy just doesn’t create itself, no matter how hard we try.

Monday , the thrill of having lost some weight and experiencing successful wardrobe renaissance sessions was still fresh enough to provide incentive. Soup, fruit and black coffee virtuously replaced  my usual ~ rather more palatable fodder ~of  toast, sandwiches, crisps and hot chocolate. 

 Tuesday and Wednesday spun past in a flurry of workloads and my tum rumbling to remind me I had to eat something, even if it DID look and taste like pitted cardboard.  So ryvita and cottage cheese it was! Followed by a whole tin of pineapple rings to remove the wallpaper paste consistency of the cheese. It should surely be called ‘claggy cheese’ NOT  ‘cottage’! I have wondered all week if it achieved it’s moniker from having been discovered on the walls of a country ruin somewhere… evil stuff! I found myself mixing it with marmite just to introduce some taste into the glurg. However, when I  found it all combined together into a browney-grey lump, it appeared exactly like mashed brain on my plate. Not  altogether apppetizing then.

Thursday proved to be a day of attempted~ and failed~ excercise. The god of  contrariness was with me and no matter how much  I contrived circumstances to allow a short run or  fifteen minute jig about, doorbells rang, people stopped to chat and all but a 50 piece brass band piled into the equation. “Ah well, I’ll just have to lose the blubber some other way” I mused whilst eyeing up the mince pies in the local bakery window.

And here we are.. ” thank Crunchie it’s Friday”. Except I’m not allowing myself a Crunchie or anything else lovely for another week. So! I must jump on those scales to elicit some joy out of my week in self deprivation!

Yes! Thank you resultometer!!  I have lost another 2 and 1/2  lbs in 7 days! That’s almost a bag of flour’s worth. I wonder where it went to? Maybe it’s melted into the ether and transferred itself via precipitation onto some poor thin person who actually needs it…!

Now it is late on Friday night with only 6 days until my party and the ultimate deadline left to go. I still have 7 lbs left to lose in under a week. Short of  several daily seaweed wraps and living on  miso soup with spirulina dressing for a week, there’s nothing much i can do, but ” keep calm and carry on”. I guess any spare tyres still to be shifted  will soon disappear once my feet find that dancefloor on the 1st December!

Week 3 , my final week

Those final pounds I have to tweak!!

© Tess Egerton 2011

The Not-So-Secret Diary of A Yo-Yo Dieter

Posted by Tess Egerton in The Not-So-Secret Diary of A Yo-Yo Dieter      5 comments

Nov
12

Introduction

Arrrrggh!!! Four short weeks to go until the big day!! No, not my wedding day~ that one’s been and gone~ but my 40th birthday!

When I excitedly started planning my ‘party of the year’ to roll in the naughty forties, I’d concentrated on the venue, the decoration colour scheme, the entertainment and food, the guest-list of fantastic best mates and finally … the outfit.

The outfit!! It was my last consideration amongst all elements of the big night, but I have chosen it at last!

Now all I have to do is actually diet ~yet again~ to fit into it…

Having forced myself to buy a size smaller than required, I operated on that age-old female theory that if you buy small, it’ll force you into an automatic “shrink to fit” mode physically and mentally. The mode  where you dream of yourself living on carrot sticks and twiglets for the next month, but realise whilst you’re dreaming a double chocolate chip muffin and milkshake have ended up in your hands! How on EARTH did they get there???!

So there I stood in front of the mirror, packed into my dream party attire looking like a prize black pudding~ post fry-up , but with diaphanous sleeves ( oh that makes it look SO much better…!).

“Ooooh Grrd” I thought. “How am I EVER going to look all sleek and lovely in this within four weeks?”.  My only consolation, as with many other ladies out there, is that I have been down this road so many times I’ve bought the book fifty times over, got the t-shirt and worn it to death. Then I ruin the glorious results within days after target  completion by  smugly laughing in the face of my sleekness  and chow down on chips with frivolity!

Now it’s “that time ” again. Out come the dust encrusted tools to aid my starvation for the next month:

The Scales: A necessary evil to chart ‘inevitable’ progress. Every ounce of weight-loss counts at a time like this. This tool is perhaps one of the worst for inciting enormous highs and lows, cheers or boo’s, depending on the results. I shudder at the thought of seeing that digital display creeping up and out of control as it develops a metaphorical devil face, cackling cruelly at the invisible pack of lard on my hips this week. Equally though, euphoria and an involuntary lap of honour erupt around the bathroom for every hard-earned 2lbs I’ve lost. Shall i celebrate with a bar of Dairy Milk?? No NO No No!!! Think THIN!!

The Mirror Another invention from the Devil’s workshop of humiliation. Fantastic for aiding make-up application or eye-brow plucking, not so good  for pointing out numerous spare tyres and a butt that’ll eclipse anything north of the equator. It’s times like this I could own ‘the thin one’ from the ‘Circus Hall of Magic Mirrors’. Encouragement is everything in this game… even if it means cheating a bit!

The Camera A necessary tool for charting all round progress. This usually ends up as a tool of sheer amusement.  By the end of most diet stints I look back at my first few shots and realize I looked like Augustus Gloop, gradually mutating into a reject from Cell Block H. The shots when finally lined up usually resemble a gallery from The Usual Suspects . It makes me laugh so much I lose a few more pounds with the shaking! That in itself is a worthwhile exercise.

The Specialist Food( and drink of course). Oh this is the category which scares me the most. I must kiss my last marshmallow hot chocolate goodbye wistfully as I embark on four weeks of  Dryvita and discipline. Woe is me as I throw away the cheese and potato pie I made only 2 days ago and replace it with ‘delicious’ lentil soup and rocket leaves (yum!?). Milkshakes, juice and Shiraz have to be replaced with Mineral water, diet coke and Gin with diet coke. Yurg.. not the greatest of swaps , but it’ll have to do!

Join me tomorrow as I record what happened today on Day 1 of my Not So Secret Diet Diary…. wish me luck!!

© Tess Egerton 2011

Diary Of a Virgin Runner

Posted by Tess Egerton in Tess' Blog      1 comment

Sep
19

 Sunday 18^th September 2011; the day of Bristol’s 5k ‘Run For The Future’ charity event, and the day myself and fellow runner JJ had been working towards for 6 long weeks.

Having started off as complete beginners in the joys of athletics, we decided a short while ago to keep fit all in the name of a good cause. “A charity incentive will keep us going” I said…. “it’ll stop me from giving up as I usually do”, I said. So we signed ourselves up for our first ever 5k; a reasonable distance to start off with. However, the weeks that followed were hard as we tried out new running courses and accompanying diets, algae supplements and health drinks in order to improve our stamina, to last the distance. This is a little of what happened….

Week 1; Wednesday August 3^rd 2011

“Ohhh God. What have I talked myself into here? I’ve put on weight during our holidays and even my saddle bags have saddle bags! My hips have separate post codes and I am really regretting that spontaneous trip to the burger bar when I was stuck for time and resources on our kiddyfunday last week. Ok, tonight’s the night. JJ and I are running on the Downs for the first time… I’ve gone for the odd preliminary jog.. nearly taken out a few wing-mirrors on the way, but hey… they’ll never notice! Let’s hope JJ will have gone for a few swift pints on his way up to the Downs and will be swaying too much to keep up with me…. One can dream!”

Thursday  August 4th

“Well actually, that wasn’t at all bad last night; all things considered. I was aiming to run 300m , then walk for 100 alternately.. build up slowly and all that (being a novice you see). I had the trainers, I had the talent!! Or so I thought until several groups of seasoned runners flew past, leaving me in a G-force tunnel. I heroically kept up with JJ as best I could and only turned purple with asphyxiation the once (or twice… maybe). The camaraderie between us beginners kept us going for around 3k’s worth. We only took 50 minutes…. maybe we did mostly walk after all then.  JJ did turn to me at one point musing “are they going forwards really fast or are we running backwards?” Note to self: must do better next time.”

Monday August 15^th

“I have been running every 3 days since our first attempt at joint athletics! It’s hard work, but I’m sticking to it with a goal ahead of me. Apart from that, it makes me feel pious when I succumb to a square of that evil chocolate stuff as my previously sedentary thighs will be working all evidence away within hours! Tonight is night 2 of our now vaguely competitive running partnership. I’m looking forward to seeing if there’s a difference with either of us in performance. I’ve been taking lone jogs round the park to the I-pod jiggedies and JJ’s been jogging in his kitchen to the sound of grilled sausages. The bets are on!!”

Tuesday 16^th August

“A very good night for JJ… looks like the spirulina algae tablets are taking great effect with his general health. There is a marked change in his stamina when running. Meanwhile, I am having serious problems with tiredness as we run. Lesson number 1 learnt: don’t try running with little or no fuel in the system, it just doesn’t work. Having had a banana, a vitamin drink and some almonds 2 hours before, I thought I was covered for energy. I was wrong. I needed decent amounts of lean protein and a few carbs to top it off. And lots of water. We end our 4k run at opposite ends of the confidence spectrum; JJ is positive and motivated; moving onto talk of a full 5k run next week… I’m totally deluded and desperate to get back to that drawing board. It’s taking all my mental strength and willpower to not sit down all night with a humungous box of chocolates and bury my woes in a celebfest a la Hello magazine.”

Thursday August 25^th

“I’ve managed to re-motivate myself and keep up the running. Keep looking at those photos of famous ladies in their pencil thin dresses and pinning my hopes on getting there too… eventually. Added incentive has taken the form of my sponsorship pack arriving. The glorious parcel with shiny instruction and sponsorship pages plus a lovely white t-shirt to wear on the day, bring my intentions back into full focus. It’s for the charity!!! Come on girl, get a grip! Today is my last day of full training with JJ for a couple of weeks as I am about to set sail for France. Better make it a good one then!”

Friday August 26th

I am now sailing to northern France and mulling over the success of last night. I feel a sense of refreshed excitement. JJ and I attempted and achieved a full 5k run/jog last night. It was great! I fuelled up with pasta and water 2 hrs before, took my multivits and this time walked all the way to our meeting spot; giving me an extra 25 minute warm–up! This is what I needed. Success at last! My body muscles seemed to have taken over from my brain muscles as I couldn’t find the right vocabulary for the success of our run. Were we experiencing less sluggishness and more “runny bits” now? – I’d asked JJ…. He pointed out, that wasn’t quite the right terminology. Longer bursts of full-on running and less walking breaks resulted in a good night’s results by all. Got our time down to just under 45 minutes – great!! We pledged to get it down to 40 or under if we could. Time to holiday next.. but not necessarily to relax.

September 8^th

“Only 10 days to go until the big day now! The holiday provided plenty of exercise in the form of running, swimming and a 10k cycle on a velorail. I returned home smug and raring to go. Friends have noticed my modest weight loss. I point out it’s probably an optical illusion due to my tan. However, I am quietly pleased.

Tonight’s run with JJ was great; we’re still keeping up our timings and are both genuinely feeling fitter and faster with less recovery time needed after each stretch. We’re aiming to run all the way through the 5k and are pushing each other like mad. A good friend has also mentioned that ‘Callanetics’ can help put the leg muscles into the right positions for maximum impact when running. Anything to make these legs streamlined is fantastic in my books! Having said that, whilst still not quite heading into the Beyonce Bootylicious arena, these buns are turning more rock-like and less like pink blancmange in a tracksuit.”

Thursday 15^th September

“We’re nearly there!!! Six arduous weeks of training and not giving up, keeping each other’s competitive  spirit going  and dreaming of raising decent money for a good cause and we’re days away! Today’s the last day of running though we’ve trained every night this week. We followed the suspected 5k route on the Downs last night and broke our time record. Got it down to 42 minutes. Aching like mad today though. I’m keeping mindful of the lessons I’ve learnt as a beginner over the last 6 weeks. Always eat enough protein and carbs  at least 2 hours before the run. Take multivitamins if you can, drink plenty of water and allow yourself  loads of warm up time to keep your muscles happy on the run. My last workout this morning took me into running 1k at a time before a short recovery walk for 100m, then another 1km; this is going to be my strategy on the big day itself. Cross fingers!!!!”